Chapter 13. We are good at some things

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Today it was only a light drizzle that assaulted Lez as he trudged through the muck and the mud, past the guards, who were performing their mandatory physical exercise, and right up to Jessy door.

It was a chore to find a free hand, as the bard was over-burdened with scrolls. But eventually Lez, after some shuffling found a free hand and gently rapped on the Tech child’s door, “Good morrow. Good morrow.” Lez said expecting some answer.

I’m up. I’m up.” Came a muffled shout from inside, Lez noted that it sounded peculiarly feminine.
The door opened and Lez was dumbstruck to discover that Bancroft Enya step outside to greet him, and that she was wearing a dark blue shirt with the picture of a mean looking carriage printed on it.

Bancroft had that all too familiar look of someone who had spent the night drinking, the stench of alcohol and shame on her caused Lez to wince.

What yeh doing ‘er?” Bancroft said in that common Talia tongue.

I can ask the same thing, but I fear the answer.” Lez said.

Bancroft rubbed her bird’s nest of bed hair, “Unless yeh got business ‘er push off.”

Lez puffed out his chest, who was this whore to tell him what to do. “I made an appointment with Jessy about researching on his people. You would have known that if you bothered to come.”

And get pinched?” Bancroft said incredulously, “I saw the look on that straight bush. The whole pub was loaded with guards, I wasn’t going in there.”

Jessy’s voice came from inside the bungalow, “Lez, is that you.”

Lez and Bancroft shared a look with one another, until the she-elf noticed that there was more than one pair of eyes looking at her and Lez’s direction. Grudgingly she relented and allowed the bard inside.

Lez had never seen the inside of Jessy’s apartment and he quick took an inventory of Jessy’s things. He froze when he saw Jessy laying in bed.

The horned boy looked much like Bancroft in that he looked like he had spent the night in the gutter and was now sporting a rich hangover, “Hi Lez.” Jessy said.

By the Gods, the boy wasn’t old enough to have chest hair yet.

Is it common practice for Techs your age to be indulging in carnel activities?” Lez asked.
“Hell no.” Jessy said outright, grinning like a loon.

Everyone’s pissed at me for losing my virginity. It’s great. I couldn’t even speak to a girl in my world, now I get regular sex. And booze, to. This place is fucking awesome.”

Lez shook in fury and noticed that Bancroft at least had the decency to look like she might have done something unethical.

Her eyes shying away from Jessy, Bancroft asked, “You don’t drink wine?”

Fuck no.” Jessy laughed.

That might explain a few things.” Bancroft said.

Lez was holding onto the very last vestiges of restraint he had, getting ready to explode at the reckless Bancroft. Enya’s were all about temptation and bringing people down to their level, but Bancroft had gone too far.

And for research purposes, what is the approximate age that a Tech should have sex and drink wine?” Lez asked.

For the first time since Lez saw him it looked as if Jessy had actually thought about his answer. “Um.”

It was all the answer Lez needed.

Seeing the scowl that was spreading on Lez face Jessy panicked, “No. No. It’s cool. It’s cool.” he than contradicted himself by leaning over the edge of the bed and heaving his stomach contents onto the floor.

Oh Gods.” Lez groaned.


What is wrong with you?” Lieutenant Kollkie said harshly, keeping her voice low.
In the bathroom as the Techs called it Jessy was hacking his guts up, his body purging his system of the foreign substance.

Needing a consultant on how he could go about giving Bancroft a public flogging, Lez had called out for the highest ranking soldier in the area. Unfortunately, he got Kollkie.

The Lieutenant took one look of Bancroft’s clothes, heard the dry heaving from the other room, and got ready to skip the trail and head straight for shouting at the damn fool.

Bancroft pointed at the empty bottles on Jessy desk, “Have you smelt the stuff in those? I saw on of them bubble like my aunty’s boils.”

Kollkie would hear none of it, “It was a mistake allowing you to get close to the child.”
“Oh?” Bancroft said, hands on her hips, “At least I didn’t slam him on to a table. Yeh, I heard. Want to tell us about that?”

Kollkie sputtered, caught off guard by the accusation. “I was doing my job. What you did was reckless endangerment to an infant.”

Im not a baby. Oh fuck. Ahhhhh. Kill me.” Jessy cried from the other room.

The three Silth shook their heads in disgust.

The Lieutenant held her head, “We need to get him to a healer.”

No.” Bancroft said getting worried that she might get in trouble, which was far too late. “I.I mean. He’s not a Silth right? He, ah. Can’t even handle a bit of wine and he drinks acids and bubbling poisons. The healer’s going to treat him like he was a Silth.”

Lez had to admit that Bancroft had a point. There were plenty of instances where elf medicine was nearly fatal to humans and non-elves. Who knew what kind of medicine did what to these aliens?

Your compassion is touching.” Jessy said sarcastically. “I’m just hungover. My mum got this way all the time. No wonder that she was such a raging bitch.”

That aside, are you so desperate for coin that you would lay with a minor?” Kollkie nearly roared but somehow managed to keep her voice low enough that only the two Silth could hear it. “Wait. I forgot who I was talking with. You Enya’s would plough a pig for a copper.”

Having seen the look on Bancroft’s face from his earlier twits with the fairer sex, Lez stepped away. He had this odd feeling things were going to get incredibly violent.

Thankfully, Bancroft remembered that you don’t punch a royal guard in the face without having a good place to hide the body. The she-elf looked over to the bathroom to see if Jessy was observing the trio. “We may not have actually. You know?”

Kollkie frowned, not understanding, “Do you want to clarify that, Miss Enya? I may have to repeat it in front of the local magistrate.”

Jessy drank bit, he was a bit nervous you see and. We went to bed. And I swear I just touched him. And…” Bancroft trailed off.

Les let out a laugh as relief entered.

Kollkie looked at the bathroom, Jessy was gasping and they could all hear sobbing from the other room. “You’re lying to save your hide from the lash.”

What do you care?” Bancroft said accusingly. “You hate Jessy. You’re the one who beat him up. If his friends are going to be made at someone it’s going to be you.”

Is that a threat?” Kollkie snarled.

You better hope it’s not a declaration of war, Lieutenant.” Lez said. “I should remind you two that we know absolutely nothing about these people. Entire nations have gone to war over petty things such as family feuds. The Techs chose Jessy for a reason. For we know he could be engaged to a princess.”

Bancroft looked thoughtful for a moment before raising her voice, “Darl.”

Yes?” Jessy called out.

Why did you get sent over?”

What do you mean?”

I mean are you a king or something?” Bancroft called.

Jessy laughed and then remembered that laughing was an stupid and painful thing to do, “I wish. No. it’s because I’ve seen the sun before.”

The three Silth looked at one another, not understanding the reference.

What do you mean you have seen the sun before?” Kollkie said.

Techscope is full of shut-in losers.” Jessy called out. “Rejects. Forty-year-old virgins. People who can’t function outside of society. Picture a few thousand of the most socially retarded, neurotic, mama’s boys and lock them all in one building.”

The three than had the pleasure of listening to Earth’s most crude ghoulish curse forwards before Jessy vomited again.

Lez couldn’t believe what he was hearing, such a place would have fallen to the ground in fire.
“You seem well adjusted.” Bancroft said.

Hello, I’m child genius who robs banks for fun.” Jessy reminded the gathering.

Trust me Kollkie, if we were on my world and you tried that shit the other night. I would have frozen your bank accounts, had you listed as a terrorist, would have video tapped you getting striped searched, and would have burned your entire family’s credit rating.”

Here, all I can do is spike your drink with laxatives and spread rumours that there is a horny she-elf giving blowjobs to anyone who shoves their dick through the glory hole I made.”

Kollkie’s face burned red, “You did that?”

Bancroft exploded into laughter and Lez was quick to follow, both of them imagining the scene.

Jessy said something and there was a sharp snapping sound from the bathroom door. Lez guessed that Jessy must have locked the door through magical means because the Lieutenant charged for the adjacent room and Jessy thought.

Open the door you little shite.” Kollkie screamed banging on the door with her fists.

Bancroft was on her knees at this point, holding her sides and unable to hold back her giggling, “It hurts. It hurts.” she said between fits.

Lez was able to manage himself faster.

I’m gonna murder, yeh.” Kollkie promised as she slammed her fist on the door that Lez guessed had to be seriously enchanted to withstand the punishment.

While Kollkie managed to pick Jessy’s bed up and use it as a battering ram, Lez decided to use this time to ask questions.

Is that why we have only seen you and John so far? Everyone is afraid of coming g outside?” Lez said.

Partially.” Jessy confirmed. “Most of it is because we’re afraid of getting you sick with an alien disease, or you getting us sick. Another part is that we’re scared of intellectual contamination.”

Lez looked up his mental dictionary of phrases, “Your afraid you smarts will rub off on us.”

I’ll be washing your brains all over my fists.” Kollkie said.

Our worlds are incredibly different. No offence but you guys are pretty primitive compared to us, but your incredibly advanced in other areas.”

You see us as primitive barbarians.” Lez said feeling tempted to help Kollkie.

It was true that compared to the other elven kingdoms, Un Neill was fairly unimpressive, but to be thought of such a way by people who had yet to see their glorious city was insulting.

You have magic, we don’t. In my world we use machines to make our lives more easier. You guys just put a levitation spell on a crystal and you float to another level of a building. We use a system of pullies to do the same thing. You use magic mirrors, we use phones.”

Lez thought for a moment, remembering the projector he saw. Was it that had to duplicate? He was no thermaltolgist, but such things should be possible.

It was Kollkie who came to a different conclusion, “You’re afraid of us.”

Yep.” Jessy said not bothering to deny it, confirming what Lez predicted all along.

Even if Techscope was advanced as they claimed to be they would bored their capabilities. They might be safe in their tower but from reports and puzzle pieces of information his network had gathered, Techscope lacked the numbers to be able to muster up a run for conquest.

Any other questions?” Jessy asked.

No longer laughing her guts up, Bancroft was standing, her expression curious with a touch of panic, “Why aren’t you spitting up anymore?” she asked.

Lez could feel the smile that was on the other side of that thin wall, he didn’t like it.

Maybe because I’m behind you.” Jessy said.

All together, all three Silth turned their heads back to see Jessy standing on the other side of the window, smiling at Kollkie. The cheeky devil actually waved at the three.

Kollkie didn’t let a second pass to wonder how the brat had escaped; she stormed to the exit, fuming and looking for blood.

Lez gave one last glance at the door to the bathroom, while the Lieutenant couldn’t have cared if the miscreant had escaped through the toilet, he was a bit more curious. The moment was quick to dissipate, however, and Lez and Bancroft began to follow Kollkie outside.

Just as Kollkie exited the bungalow the door slammed shut and there was an all too familiar sound as the front door lock.

Lez and Bancroft froze in place, what followed were the angry shouts of Kollkie trying to break her way inside.

There was another clicking sound and both Silth turned again to see Jessy walking out of the bathroom, the boy looked to have dunked his head under the tap because only his blue hair was drenched.

We might not have magic, but our entertainment industry and our anti-hangover drugs are fantastic.” Jessy said.

Lez looked at the sly trickster, then at the door where Lieutenant Kollkie was trying to break down, and then back again to Jessy.

He was about to say that Jessy had just done something incredibly foolish when the world shook.