Day 241

<——–Day 240    Day 242——->

I don’t know what to do. Things are becoming complicated and as a person who ‘complicated’ means a dead patient and a law sui,t I have to say I don’t like it.

Today, I asked Neeti the question I should have asked at the start but was too chicken shit to. I asked where we stood.

I had killed the man who had abused her for years. I had killed him right there in front of her, changing her life.

I have seen these cases before. Wives who were stuck in an unhealthy relationship because they were scared or just plain desperate not to die alone.

Neeti has had time to digest what has happened to her. We probably shouldn’t have had sex.

Well, we probably shouldn’t have done it anyway seeing that she is a mythological hybrid of a human and a goat, and me being me. The main problem is we are both in a bad spot.

I asked her if she hated me. She said “No.” but there was something in her tone.

I asked if she loved him. She said he was her husband, and I knew I should have dropped it there, but being a social idiot, I replied that he being her husband and her loving him are not the same thing.

For all of you love crazed idiot teenagers out there, marriage dose not equal love. Sometimes money equals love, but you have to be pretty fucking rich for that.

I don’t know what I was thinking, but I asked Neeti what did she want? An argument started, though that might have been the wrong term.

An argument involves two or more people screaming at each other, this felt more like Neeti vented.

I don’t think she has screamed for a long time. I will point out that I did not scream back, I did not try to stop her; I let her get it all out. It is the only therapy I know.

I didn’t ask why she didn’t get away from him earlier. From what I understand from Ksenia, that is not what people did here. Divorce is unheard of and when I described it the Ligno, the women looked at me funny.

The venting soon evolved into a question about Ksenia and I.

I don’t know about what Ksenia thought about me, but I went for the truth. Ksenia had helped me out. Not just with what had happened with Neeti, but with the cholera and with the village in general. As far I as could tell, she was the only civilised person on this entire continent.

When I told Neeti this she laughed. I don’t know why, but it annoyed me.

I found out that it was Ksenia who had told Neeti to have sex with me in order to keep me in the village. I don’t know what to make of that.

Neeti saw me as an obese, lazy, nobleman. The obese part I took personally. I had lost a lot of weight these past four months.

Then Neeti asked me something that tells me this place is wrong. She asked me why I didn’t hit her.

I stopped the car and I hugged her which she took to mean that I was in the mood.