It happened. Dear fucking God it happened. All my life I have been wishing for this day and it came.
One word, everyone. “Three-some.”
Sure it was with a couple of goat people and none of us had a wash, but it still counts.
A bunch of other stuff happened while I was away. Got half the clinic finished, Laurel had strangled an owlbear. It really doesn’t matter.
Okay. I’ve settled down.
During the trip this thing called a damere came over to the clinic. I swear the thing looked like a D-movie monster.
The freak was the size of a polar bear, it had a beak, and it had claws that would make Freddy Cougar squeal like a groupie. It was a challenge rating four monster and it was snooping around my place.
Apparently, unlike bears, dameres do not go into hibernation, which sucks for anyone unfortunate enough to cross their path. Say for instance a labour-droid cutting down trees and causing a homeless problem among the local squirrel community.
Using my newly set up computer, I was able to connect to Laurel’s hard drive. Accessing the droid’s visual and audio logs I was able to play back the scene.
The Company drilled us on how to do this in the event that we needed a substitute security system, or if the droid got scrapped and we needed to know what was going to eat us. That last one pops up more often than any of us like.
Approximately 70 hours ago, Laurel was using a hammer to turn a rock into a gravel road. Without nails and with a significantly stable amount of planks I had ordered the droid to begin several other projects.
Before I get into it, I should point out that Ksenia, Neeti, and Beenie were watching the footage with me.
Five second in Laurel turned his head and Beenie let out a wail as the damere showed itself.
If possible, the thing looked even bigger on screen. This wasn’t a cuddly teddy bear, or Yogi the Bear with a hangover. Unlike a lion or a bear there was no savage beauty to this thing, no redeeming qualities that I could see.
The damere was a hairy tank with an industrial bolt cutter for a mouth.
Laurel, true to his programming, gave his speech. “You are intruding on private property. The doctor is not available. Leave or I will be forced to remove you by force.”
All three of the Lignos had their mouth open.
Yeah, droids are not known for having either common sense or a healthy sense of self-preservation. You program them to do something and they do it no matter how stupid the order is.
This thing was not something you negotiated with. You pissed yourself, screamed like a little girl, and then if you had a brain cell left you ran. You did that or you just stood there gapping at it like an idiot as it ate your head off.
The damere stood on its back legs and gave a roar so loud that I was forced to lower the volume. I think a T-Rex would have shat itself.
The droid tried again to speak the monster down. “Warning. You are in violation off…” Laurel was interrupted as the damere sent one of its gigantic claws at Laurel’s head.
The droid was sent 10 feet back and slammed into a tree. I noticed earlier that the labour-droid had a good scratch on his forehead.
I frankly didn’t know what was more impressive. That Laurel was able to get back up after that or that the damere had managed to scratch the droid’s skin.
Laurel is designed to mine, haul, and operate equipment in the harshest of environments, including the poisonous and acidic atmosphere Venus, and asteroid mining. They are meant to take a God awful amount of punishment and then help you do your taxes.
Laurel stood up and said “Threat detected. Orders. Subdue and remove.”
Once again, droids are not meant to be too smart.
The damere opened its mouth to take a bite out of Old Laurel but the droid was already in defence mode. When the monster went to take a bite Laurel wrapped his fingers around the damere’s beak and forcefully closed it.
The droid then put the brute into a headlock.
The droid’s counter-attack was so fast I had to watch the clip several times in slow motion before I understood what the fuck happened.
The damere let out a surprised choking sound. It tried to bite and slash Laurel with its claws, but the droid could bend steel bars with just his hands. This was like watching a man muzzling a disobedient dog.
The damere attempted a different tactic. It stood on its back legs and tried to swipe Laurel off. I can tell you now, it did not work.
“Surrender.” Laurel said multiple times. As if the thing could understand him.
The creature was getting scared now. Being trapped animal, it thrashed and bucked, but all it did was tell Laurel that it was not going to give in.
For 5 minutes this went on till there was a snap. I had checked the readings. The amount of pressure Laurel had used would have popped the head off a dear like a zit.
We sold the carcass to the village and as a sign of trust, I put Ksenia in charge of my finances. Most of this place is built on barter and I know nothing about it.
Neeti natural was annoyed at me for not trusting her with my money. It’s like I’m married to these two.
Things progressed slowly.
The day is filled with the sound of hammer as I am forced to help with building the clinic.
We really need a bath.